lil_rainbow's journal

My kids are the most exciting thing in my life...even being single again and being able to go do what i want when i want, after getting the babysitter, doesn't come close to the excitement i feel when i am with my kids.

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

Just thought i would stop by and let everyone know that i am doing well and the kids seem to have accepted their baby brother ok.  Jenna is a touch clingy with always wanting to have my attention the moment i have to feed the baby or she is right there when i have to change a diaper.  Sometimes it is a bit much and i have snapped at her several times in the past 5-7 days since she started this behavior.  It seems like she feels she isn't getting her share of the attention from me that she thinks she should be getting. 

I am working hard on trying to keep the kids busy with things to do and spending as much time with them as i can when Christopher is sleeping, but it seems like he will only sleep when he is being held and that puts a serious crimp in the works.

Also with all the painting and cleaning that i have been doing trying to get the house cleaned out for the garage sale that i am having in 2 weekends.  i have jenna's room painted now but i still have to put her furniture in there and set everything up.  Then comes painting the kitchen and the back hallway and somewhere in the next month i have to get kenny's room painted, then my bedroom, the bathroom and finally the living room. 

Seeing as how this house is a rental and NOT mine i will have to get permission for the colors that i want to paint, but most of them are in the neutral range and shouldn't be a problem.  The only color that the landlord (Bob) might not like is the living room color and the blue for kenny's room.  However, Jenna's room turned out to be even more beautiful then anyone thought it would and i am hoping that he gives me a little leeway for the rest of the rooms when he sees it.

Christopher Xavier
9 lbs 6 ozs
19 inches
May 1st 2008
11:30am

Last week we welcomed our 3rd child to the family.  Christopher Xavier was the hardest of all the pregnancies but i am feeling 100% better now that everything is over with.  He looks just like his big brother Kenny.  Speaking of the other kids they adore their little brother and are helping out all they can.  Even offering to sleeping with him in the crib so that they can take care of him when he cries in the middle of the night.  LOL  i know that would end quickly if i actually let one of them do it, but it is the thought that counts right?

After delivery of Christopher i got myself fixed so that there will be no more surprises of this kind.  Afterall, i will be 40 in Sept and i truly think that pregnancy and child birth should be left to younger women.

Excitement for me this week is the fact that i will be having my baby on Monday the 28th and i will finally be able to get off of bed rest.   Man i just want to be able to see my feet again and work in the garden.  Maybe get a tan, ride my bike....did i mention get off of this bed rest?

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

 

Same place, different day.

Actually i am starting to like coming to the library to use their computers instead of having the one at the house online.  I am getting alot of stuff down around the house and damn it if it doesn't feel good!!!!  Besides, it is always quiet here, the kids aren't running around, the phone isn't ringing and my parents can't find me!!!!

God sometimes i feel like i am a teenager again.  Got into a screaming match with my mother last night and let me tell you something that NEVER happens.  Yeah i fight with my dad but that is because him and i are so much alike.  But i never ever fight with my mother.  Have decided that i am not going to be the first one to call and say sorry.  Sorry but she was outta fucking line.  I love her and all but i don't need her jumping down my throat over something that i have no control over.

7 months pregnant and crying till 3am because of this shit.....you could say that i was a little upset.

Anyway like i was saying i am thinking that i will not be bothering to hook up the internet at the house again.  Besides it being one more bill i won't have to worry about paying it is also going to be a load off my mind that Kenny can't get online and accidently download another virus.  He is good at that.

The only real draw back to having to use the pc at the library is there is no way to get to messenger....they have all chat stuff like that blocked.  Everything will have to be done with email or for those of you that have my phone number...call anytime...except after 9pm.  I go to bed early.

OXOXOXOXOX
Jennifer

 Yesterday when i got into a fight with my mother.

Ok i just have way too much stuff to try and get into this day.

With 2 kids, 2 dogs, 7 months pregnant and my parents moving into a new house ....what the hell am i going to do with a slave for the next 3 days?

I'm not even in the mood for any of this stuff any more....but a promise is a promise and i did promise to use him and use him well.  So....the first thing ...yeah....think that will have to be body worship.  I could use a full body massage.

LOL

Tomorrow i have a doctor appointment and a lawyer appointment.  To tell you the truth i am not looking forward to either one of those.  But the doctor appointment is a must with this pregnancy and the lawyers appointment is a must for trying to maintain my sanity in dealing with the latest crap from the ex BF.

Without a word in 3 months she has popped back into my life in such a way that i am thinking there is no other way to stop her but with a legal move.  The lawyer that Sam and i have found is familar with the BDSM lifestyle and is willing to take it as far as need be for me to feel safe again.  That is the important thing.

The last thing that i want is to make this public....but she is going to realize what she has put me throu with her thoughtless actions and if this is the only way then so be it.  Can't wait to read the article in the local newspaper about this lawsuit...damn good thing that i am moving out of town when this is all over.

More for later....with any luck i will be back online from the house by Thursday at the latest and i will be very happy for that.  Using the library pc is ok, but i can't get on messenger from here.  Everything has to be done email style.

OXOXOXOX
Jennifer 

Well i am sitting here at the public library because i am still offline at home.  But with luck that will be fixed by the end of next week when 'slave' is due into town.  No i have not switched sides, but i will be filling in for another Domme while her 'slave' is here.  Personally, i can't wait, but i am also unsure of myself.  Not sure if i can do all of the things that she is asking me to do to him.

Some of it is on my own hard limit list that i wouldn't do myself.  So exactly how am i to have someone else do it?

Believe it or not i am still fighting the morning sickness but it has gotten much much better...only once or twice a week now.  The doctor is very happy with me as i am finally starting to gain weight...glad that she is happy, i think i already have enough to spare and would be very happy to not gain a damn pound for the entire pregnancy.

Wish me luck on getting the new job!!  A nice comfy office job, should be nice for a change ... getting damn tired of working in a warehouse all the time.  But we have to do what we have to do and i will stay at the warehouse till the kids are all in college if that is what i have to do...but just for the record it is not my first choice.

More later but for now i have to get over to my fathers place and finish putting together his new computer desk.  72 years old and he still can't do a thing without me. 

You Act Like You Are 30 Years Old

You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! You're responsible, wise, and have enough experience to understand a lot of the world. You're at the point in your life where you understand yourself pretty well. You are figuring out what you want... and how to get it!

68 words

Touch typing free

THIS IS A COOL TEST.....I AM FASTER THEN I THOUGHT I WAS

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? "Holy shit what happened? I'm looking rough"

2. How much cash do you have on you? none :)

3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?" more

4. Favorite planet? When did i visit another?

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Don't have a cell phone

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
Don't have a cell phone

7. What shirt are you wearing?
Pinkish coral sweater

8. Do you "label" yourself? Nope

9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing? Wal-Mart

10. Bright or Dark Room? Dark

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Love her to pieces...wish we lived closer

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping...pregnant ladies do that

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
ugh....don't have a cell phone

15. Where is your nearest 7-11? Sioux Falls, 120 miles

16. What's a word that you say a lot? whatever

17.Who told you he/she loved you last? My mom

18. Last furry thing you touched? the dog MJ

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? None

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? it's digital...so none

21. Favorite age you have been so far? 19

22. Your worst enemy? Myself

23. What is your current desktop picture? Pictures of the kids

24. What was the last thing you said to someone? love you

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be? totally stupid question...a million bucks!

26. Do you like someone? I like a bunch of people

27. The last song you listened to? Theme song to Ocean's 12

28. Ever fall from more then 10 feet? yeap and that shit hurts

29. Do you recall the biggest party you've been to? Evan and Hiedi's wedding

30. Your thoughts on Mixed drinks? no thanks...i'll stick with Tequila

31.lesbians? What about them?

32' Concern for global warming? Absolutely

33. Favortie childhood memory? Have many- playing with my brother

34. Best moment of your life? I can't narrow it down to just one moment! I've been very blessed :) amen to that

35. A fucking tiger broke out his enclosure at the zoo and you are in its path. what do you do? Crap my pants :)

36. Do you want to be a reality TV Star? I want to be on the Amazing race with Sam or The Biggest Loser with Sam

37. When Does opportunity Knock? Opportunity is always knocking...its just a matter of taking a chance/stepping out of your comfort zone!

38. Can you take a hint? Sure can

39. Do you do your taxes or pay somebody? Pay someone

40. Can you do any celebrity impressions? of? Yes i do a great porn star

41, Do you own any pink clothes? A lot of pink!

42. can you help talking like an idiot to a baby? i try not to, but i will admit that it happens on occasion

43. Bruce willis should start to get reconized as one of the great actors of our time correct? yes

44. If you disagree go jump in a lake? whatever

45. The NY Mets are the greatest Sports franchise on earth? ewww if you want to think that

46. White Castle should be considered for the official Food of New York?
Sliders??? no way

47, Do you know what a Frotter is? Perverts who rub themselves up against someone for sexual pleasure

48. Is it better to give or receive? I'm a good giver

49. Do you understand the 3rd matrix movie at all? yeah but i like Bruce Willis movies better

50. There goes your hero, waht is his/her Name? Mom

Blog

Well I have started my own yahoo BDSM group for the local area.

Www.groups.yahoo.com/group/south_dakota_kink

We are slowly starting to get more members. This is a very good thing. I have been looking and looking in this area for a long time for people that are also into the BDSM lifestyle, they are not easy to find. I would say that there aren't any in the area but I know that to be false...they are hiding. But it is not without good reason...i grew up in this state and in most of the smaller towns everyone knows everyone else and everyone always seems to know that the hell everyone else is doing.

But it would seems that even in my town of 12,000 people people know way too much about other people. Some people just can't keep their mouths shut about other people's business. Just the way it is sometimes. But it makes it harder then hell for people with my interests.

I am looking forward to getting the group going and getting enough members to start having munches and eventually some play parties.

I have started to expand my play bag and that is with my husband's blessing. As some of you know he is totally vanilla but we have a good understanding on what is allowed and what isn't. It would seem that there are plenty of submissives around here but without many Doms. I have topped before & I need to make sure that I have the proper toys to do it again if needed.

Any suggestions on what to add to my limited toy bag would be greatly appreciated. I am saving up for 3 more floggers, matching buggy whip and riding crop, fur mittens, more rope for bondage. I am hoping to have most of that by the end of February. I also want to get some leather wrist cuffs, something adjustable for men or women and of course a spreader bar. I actually have something that works well as a spreader bar already but it doesn't look that great...with time I am hoping to have a well maintained and awesome looking collection of toys that any Dom will be envious of.

If anyone can think of anything else that would be a good addition to the toy bag please let me know. Yes I know nipple clamps....while I personally hate the damn things on me I know that every good toy bag isn't complete till at least one set of nipple clamps included.

1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with? Yes


2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night? afternoon & night

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on? the right side

4. Pork, beef, or chicken? chicken & pork & beef

5. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
yes more then once

6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money? yes, old geezer paid me $50 bucks to see tits when i was 20

7. Shower or bath? both

8. Do you pee in the shower? sick

9. Mexican or Chinese? Chinese

10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
aggressive. it's no fun being submissive with another submissive

11. Do you love someone on your friends list? es

12. Do you know all the people on your friends list? most all of them

13. Love or money? had love...money next time...if there is a next time

14. Credit cards or cash? cash

15. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn't?
shit where should i start?

16. Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel?
hotel. with someone, preferably

17. What is the weirdest place you have had sex? back of a pinto

18. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money?
hell no

19. Have you ever been to a strip club? many times

20. Ever been to a bar? many times

21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club? kicked out of strip club

22. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere? yeap

23. Kissed someone of the same sex?yes

24. Favorite drink? tequila

25. Had sex in a movie theater? no, would be more then willing

26. Had sex in a bathroom? all the time

27. Have you ever had sex at work?yes

28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store? hello...it was the 90's

29. Bought something from an adult store? just the other day

30. Have you been caught having sex? yes

31. Does anyone have naughty pics of you? yes

32. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
yes

33. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
we shall see, I have a few ideas

Well, don't know where to start.
I know what i want to say but getting it out is another thing.

It has been since the last time i was out in Indy that i have had the chance to submit to anyone. And the truth of the matter is that i didn't play much when i was out there. Lots of people and lots of things going on. Everytime i got up the nerve to ask someone if they would like to play all the play rooms were taken. So waiting my turn was the entire course of the evening.

I left Indy knowing that i had had a good time and also knowing that i was unsatisfied with having been unable to get any real play time.

There are some Doms in this area to play with but almost all of them want the sex too. I am married to a vanilla man and we have rules. One of them is that i leave my undies on when i play at parties and the other hard rule is that i have NO sex with MEN. Women are allowed, but usually at the parties in Indy there is no sex going on with anyone anywhere.

I have been going threw what some refer to as subfrenzy and i have been having a hard time with it. The fact that i am 4 months pregnant doesn't help as that also limits what kind of play i can do. But it isn't much of a hinderance either as i am not a pain slut but a sensation player. Yes i love a good flogging, but i usually fall into subspace before it gets extremely painful anyway.

I tried to get Sam to help me with this as there really is no one around here to help and he came back with the comment that he felt like he was being forced into the lifestyle....i didn't think that 5 or 10 minutes of warming my back up with one of my floggers would be forcing him to do shit, but that is the way he feels so i dropped it.

I have tried to flog myself but i can't get the swing right, the impact is too low on my back...it just didn't work out to be very satisifing at all.
I was looking at the ceiling fan in the living room and wondering how i could mount a flogger to one of the blades so that i could stand there and let it hit me that way. But i am fairly certain that the ceiling fan would come out of the ceiling before any real enjoyment can come out of it.

When i went to Indy last time i came out with my best friend of 10 yrs. and tried to make sure that she had a good time. She did before the party actually started, but she is so shy that the party itself, for her, wasn't alot of fun. I felt awful about that till a few days ago. Now it just makes me mad at myself that i took her out there.

She calls and tells me that she is going to a play party at a friend of hers, this place is only a 2 hour drive (about) from my house. She calls so that i can keep her from being bored on the way there....she calls when she leaves so that i can help keep her awake on the drive on because IT WAS SUCH AN AWESOME WEEKEND. This has been going on since shortly after the Indy party. She drives down about every 3rd weekend. i have never been invited.

While i am very glad that she seems to have found what she is looking for i find it difficult to understand why i, her supposedly bestfriend, have never been invited to one of these parties. This past weekend she went to another party, she called me to talk on her way down...she lives several hours north of there while i live several hours south. She knows how long it has been since i have felt the touch of leather against my skin. She has gone threw the same things in the past and once i even topped her to try and help her with it.

What is it about me that threatens her? What the hell is she afraid of?
i don't want to feel like this but is she so insecure in herself that my presence frightens her? Does she think that i would be some kind of bigger hit with the Doms that she says outnumber the subs by 3 to 1?

I sent her a letter the night of the party in which i voiced my frustrations with this situation...i also sent a copy of the letter to the Master of the house that she is staying at on these weekends because i was told that it would be wise to do so. If she was going to get upset then it was thought that it would be a good idea for the Master of the house to know what she was upset about. I have seen her get upset and it isn't a pretty sight. While i didn't want to be the cause of ruining the weekend i couldn't stop the words once i started typing....kind of like now.

In her reply she said if that is the way i felt about it then so be it. WHAT??? so be it??? what?? is she fucking stoned???

SHE DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO DENY ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!

In his reply he all but accused me outright of trying to hurt her...WRONG
i know how to hurt her

Nephew Justin is coming today!!

He makes a person realize that regular people are BEAUTIFUL.

There are times when we ask someone what happened only to realize after finding out what happened that we REALLY REALLY didn't want to know.

I found out somethings this afternoon that for the most part i wasn't surprised by. It didn't surprise me that 2 guys that i always thought of as horndogs were banging a 16 yr old. Didn't surprise me that they were sharing this girl between the 2 of them and didn't surprise me that she had been offered to others.

What did surprise me, cause i really didn't think of either of these men as stupid, horndogs yes, stupid no, was the fact that they brought this girl to the community bdsm parties. i have been to several of these parties and have had to sign a waiver and show my id so just how in the hell did no one else know that she was underage?

It surprised me that the entire board of IMAS has resigned. Just how many people were involved? i have heard that not only were these two men having their way with her, or she was having her way with them...WHATEVER, that their women were also having fun with her.

This is an underage girl...i don't give a shit if it is legal in the state of Indiana as long as the person is 16 or older. In my opinion it is wrong in so many ways. She is still learning, still growing and still far to vulnerable to be used in such a way.

They should be ashamed of themselves for their actions towards this girl and for their actions as leading board members of IMAS.

For some reason i have a feeling that i haven't the entire story.

12-12-07 4:31pm

Well it would seem like I am not going to be having wireless for a while yet. For some reason the connector isn't working and I will have to beg for a new one from SxFalls. (hint hint)

I had Sam up on the roof today trying to get the right signal and for a while it was working great. Then something happened and the signal was gone again. So back up on the roof like Santa he went, only to discover that the indicator light wasn't lit anymore.

Not sure what happened but I do know that I will have a hard time talking Sam into going back up on the roof in this kind of weather. Good thing we have NetZero for a back up plan. Althou I was hoping to get this wireless working to the point that I would be able to get rid of the house phone all together, I will just have to wait for that I guess. Trying to find ways to save money and still have some of the little things that make life easier...like internet.

We will be staying in South Dakota for Christmas this year and while that sounds great there is a big part of me that wanted very badly to go to NY for Christmas. Besides the fact that the in-laws were all looking forward to seeing us I was just looking forward to not having to cook for a week and still eat home cooked meals.

The money just isn't there for the trip. Even if we were able to get a load out to NY with Sam's company it doesn't sit right with either one of us to show up out there with no money whatsoever. And that is exactly the way that it would be. Right now we are scrambling to get our own kid's presents. The in-laws are great and love the kids to pieces and it just doesn't feel right to go out there and let them spoil the shit out of our kids when I can't really even afford to get their kids $20 gift cards to freaking Wal-Mart. With an $80 limit Sam and I don't feel right about it.

Don't get me wrong....we're not hurting for food or anything like that, but that is all that we are not hurting for right now.

Hello everyone, sorry that I have been gone for so long but I am back now and trying to get caught up with everyone. Needless to say that hasn't been easy as everyone that was on yahoo 360 are now spread out to 4 or 5 different blogging sites and I for one am not going to be getting an account at every damn one of them. I simply don't have that kind of time.

That said I am hoping that I will be making more friends here and hopeful that many of the friends that I made at 360 will find there way here.

And with that I will end this blog as tonight I am planning on writing another blog that will be from the me that you love (I hope) and know. For right now I am headed to my father's place to cut the head off of the buck I shot during deer season as I plan on having that sucker mounted.

I KNOW....I AM SUCH A REDNECK.